Discussing Game of Thrones: The Kingsroad

* Spoilers ahead if you haven’t seen “The Kingsroad.”

On the Road with the Khalasar

Daenerys is quickly learning that life with the Dothraki isn't like getting to hang around Illyrio's nice house back in Pentos. Jorah is sympathetic toward her and treats her with kindness. Viserys, however, can't help but broach the topic of Jorah's troubles with Ned Stark and the reason why Jorah is traveling with the Dothraki as opposed to being back in Westeros.

Are Those the Dogs Yelping, or Is That Just Joffrey?

Tyrion wakes up in the kennels to the sound of Joffrey's voice. Tyrion orders his nephew to pay his respects to the Starks in light of Bran's fall, but the little sh*t acts like, well, a little sh*t at the suggestion. Tyrion bitch slaps Joffrey not once, not twice, but thrice. The Hound, who's been a witness to all of this, warns Tyrion that his repellent charge won't forget this incident.

Beloved Siblings

Here's another rare tableau: all three Lannister siblings assembled together. Though she tries to mask it, Cersei is not pleased to hear that Bran may pull through because that means her crazy love for her twin brother could be exposed. Jaime suggests that the boy's death would be preferable to being crippled for life, a comment that is apparently overheard because of what happens later in this episode.

Is This for Reals?

Catelyn has not left an unconscious Bran's bedside, and Cersei pays her a visit. The Queen offers her sympathy and actually comes across as quite sincere, but then again, you never know with that crazy biatch.

Needle Time

Jon is waiting for the Winterfell blacksmith to finish up with what turns out to be a goodbye gift for Arya. But first Jaime does some needling of his own, seeming to mock Jon for joining the Night's Watch. Jaime is such an insufferable arse at this point, lol. Arya is packing for King's Landing with some help from her direwolf, Nymeria—cue the "AWWW"s and save some for the moment when Jon presents Arya with her very own sword, which she names Needle.

The Jon Snow Goodbye Tour Continues

Jon visits Bran's room to say goodbye and gets nothing but hostility from Catelyn. Ned walks in, and the whole vibe in the room is A-W-K-W-A-R-D. Outside, Jon lies to Robb that Catelyn was kind to him when he bid adieu to Bran, and then Jon and Robb share a nice bro hug.

The Road Splits Here

This scene where Ned and Jon go their separate ways is like a knife to the heart, especially when Ned promises to tell Jon about his mother the next time they meet. *sobs* On a pit stop, Robert quizzes Ned about Jon's mother and tells him he's been too hard on himself about his lapse in fidelity. Robert also brings up the news that Daenerys has been married, and he wants to assassinate her before she and the Dothraki become a threat. Ned dismisses the idea, but Robert insists that a war is coming.

Tyrion Hearts Books

Tyrion is part of the group headed to the Wall, and in a conversation with Jon Snow, Tyrion delivers the amazing "A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone" line. YES!

Intruder Alert!

While Robb tries to have a heart-to-heart with his mother, they hear the direwolves howling outside. Robb then spots a fire outside the window and rushes off to investigate. The fire turns out to be a distraction, meant to lure everyone away from Bran's room so an assassin can slip in. Instead he comes face-to-face with Catelyn, who puts up one hell of a fight but is still no match for the would-be killer and his wicked looking blade. Both she and Bran are saved, however, by Bran's direwolf, who jumps in seemingly out of nowhere and rips out the assassin's throat.

When a Dragon Egg is Not Just an Egg

Daenerys has taken a very keen interest in her dragon eggs, and even though they're supposed to be merely fossils, it's as though she instinctively knows there's something special about them.

Cat Stark: CSI

Catelyn visits the tower where Bran fell from and finds a very long, very blond hair. She then consults with Robb, Theon, Ser Rodrik, and Luwin about her forensic discovery. She (rightly) suspects that Bran's fall was not an accident, and that the Lannisters were involved. Luwin advises alerting Ned. Robb volunteers to go to King's Landing but his mother reminds him that there must always be a Stark in Winterfell.

Poor Lady

Joffrey and Sansa go for a stroll that quickly ends in disaster. He tries to act all valiant and impressive in a princely manner. Ha. The two run into Arya and Mycah, the butcher's boy, who are play sword fighting. Sansa is embarrassed by Arya's behavior, but Joffrey can't help but act like an arse and draws his very real sword and turns it on Mycah. Arya goes after Joffrey, and the whole thing really goes south when Nymeria comes to Arya's aid and chomps down on Joffrey's arm. Realizing the gravity of the situation, Arya has to throw rocks at Nymeria to get her to run away. Arya takes off, too, but is later found and brought before the King and Queen. Cersei is beyond livid and determined to have revenge. Robert, aware that Joffrey is a sh*t, is less inclined to dole out a severe punishment, but Cersei won't have it. Since Nymeria is missing, Cersei suggests that Lady be put down instead. Both Stark girls are horrifed, but Ned carries out the deed himself. And then the scene cuts to Bran waking up!