Discussing Game of Thrones: Lord Snow

* Spoilers ahead if you haven’t seen “Lord Snow.”

It's the Throne That Everyone's Talking About

Ned arrives in the capital and is immediately summoned to a Small Council meeting. He enters the famous/infamous throne room to find Jaime, who, may I say, is resplendent in his gold Kingsguard armor. They reminisce about Ned finding Jaime and the body of the Mad King, Aerys Targaryen, whom Jaime killed, thus earning Jaime the moniker "Kingslayer." Ah, the first of many serious conversations in the throne room.

Meet the Small Council

It's our first look at Varys, Grand Maester Pycelle, Renly Baratheon (Robert's brother), and Lord Petyr Baelish, AKA Littlefinger. Ned is presented with the official Hand of the King pin. Robert, the ever diligent ruler of the Seven Kingdoms, is skipping the meeting. A tournament is to be held in Ned's honor, but the ever humble Lord Stark is outraged by the expense.

Whine, Whine, Whine

Cersei coddles Joffrey, who moans and complains about not wanting to marry Sansa. We get a glimpse of the kind of king Westeros is in for: tyrannical. We also get a feel for Cersei's view of the world: "Everyone who isn't us is an enemy."

Dad: The Only Job Tougher Than Hand of the King

The Stark girls continue to fight, and Ned tries to smooth things over with both of them. Arya gets busted by her father for having Needle, but in the end, she gets to keep her trusty weapon.

Old Nan's Fun Bedtimes Stories

Her tales of the White Walkers are just lovely, as in they scare the sh*t out of you. Bran, however, is intrigued, until Robb interrupts. In an utterly heartbreaking moment, Bran tells his older brother that he would rather be dead than paralyzed.

Littlefinger Stirs the Pot

Newly arrived Catelyn and Ser Rodrik are skulking around King's Landing and are intercepted by one of Littlefinger's minions. The subject of the nasty looking dagger that the assassin tried to kill Catelyn and Bran with is discussed. Varys claims he doesn't know who owns it, but Littlefinger surprises everyone by saying that the dagger was once his until he lost it in a bet to . . . Tyrion.

Let the Haranguing Begin!

At the Wall, Ser Alliser Thorne, master-at-arms for the Night's Watch, is acting like an a-hole of the first order, especially to Jon Snow, as Lord Commander Mormont and Tyrion look on. Tyrion, just stay put at the Wall because Littlefinger is totally setting you up!

My Wife Is Where Now?!

Ned finds out that Catelyn is in King's Landing, of all places. Oh Ned, you should have strangled Littlefinger when you had the chance.

Second Thoughts About the Whole Wall Thing

Jon is about to get his ass kicked when Tyrion walks in, interrupting the attempted ass-kicking. Jon expresses doubts about his decision to join the Night's Watch. Life at the Wall is, like, hard and stuff.

Nothing to Worry About Here

Cersei is panicking about Bran waking up and what the boy might say. Jaime is all like, so what? I'll kill 'em all to be with you, dear sister!

A Most Bittersweet Farewell

Catelyn is departing King's Landing, and she and Ned make their goodbyes. Super sad face for many reasons.

Happy Memories of Killing

It's Barristan the Bold himself—Ser Barristan Selmy! He and Robert have a jolly ole time recalling their first kills. Robert makes fun of his squire, young Lancel Lannister. Jaime gets called in to join the conversation, and Robert wants to know what Aerys Targaryen said before Jaime drove a sword in him. Jaime replies that the Mad King's last words were, "Burn them all." Class, please memorize that significant line for future episodes.

No Horse for You!

In another piece of foreshadowing, Daenerys and Jorah are talking about slaves. She orders the khalasar to stop, which pisses off her brother. Royally. Rakharo is ready to kill him for being such an arse to the khaleesi. Viserys gets to keep his life for another day, but Rakharo takes his horse and the dragon is forced to, gasp, walk.

But I Wanna Be a Ranger!

Jon takes the elevator up to the top of the Wall, and we're treated to a very beautiful view of it. Benjen Stark is going out ranging, and Jon thinks he should be going, too. Dude, you haven't even taken your vows yet! Benjen is like sorry, you gotta earn that right. And then we meet another cool dude of the Night's Watch—Yoren! Love him! He and Tyrion make a great pair and it's all hearty guffaws until serious Benjen arrives to kill the buzz. Yoren is bound for King's Landing to recruit for the Night's Watch, which means that he's going to divest the capital of some of its prisoners.

Irri: Even More Accurate Than a Home Pregnancy Test

Irri, one of Daenerys's handmaidens, deduces that the khaleesi is going to have a baby. Irri shares the wonderful news with Jorah and Rakharo, who are just hangin'. Suddenly, Jorah has an urgent matter to attend to, i.e. he's going to send off a letter to King's Landing as fast as his tattling hand can manage it.

Tyrion Makes Good on His Promise

. . . to pee from the top of the Wall. His stay at Castle Black has reached an end, and he's heading back south. Mormont implores Tyrion, as the Queen's brother, to ask King Robert for help in shoring up the Night's Watch's numbers. Jon also requests Tyrion to deliver a message to Bran if he passes through Winterfell on his journey home.

Dancing Lessons

With Syrio Forel, the most badass "dancing" instructor ever! Ned watches Arya and her new teacher for a bit, and at first it appears that he's smiling, but then his expression suddenly turns more than a little concerned. Hmmm.