Sunday, August 27, 2017

Discussing Game of Thrones: Beyond the Wall

* Spoilers ahead if you haven’t seen "Beyond the Wall.”

While late recaps have been the norm for me this season, LOL, this recap almost didn't happen at all thanks to no Internet for 3 days. I finally had time to swap out a crappy cable modem for a new one, and we're back in business!

This episode—WTF???!!!! There were so many WTF moments, I think I'm going to group them all together at the end, after we talk about the plot-y stuff first.

Into the Snow the Snow Bros Go

The Avengers-like super team of Jon, Tormund, Jorah, Gendry, the Hound, Beric, and Thoros are looking for the White Walkers, hoping to capture one and bring it back to King's Landing to show Cersei. Remember that stupid plan? It's just . . . stupid. Anyway, the group is well into this insane mission, and the show takes the opportunity to "reunite" Gendry with Beric and Thoros; Gendry is still quite upset about that time the Brotherhood Without Banners sold him to Melisandre, and she put leeches down his breeches. In a poignant scene, Jon offers to return Longclaw to Jorah, who declines. Later there's an amusing exchange between Tormund and the Hound; Tormund mentions the "beauty" he has waiting for him back at Winterfell, and a horrified Hound realizes it's Brienne. BAHAHAHAHAHA! That's about the last of the humor, though, before the shitshow starts.

That Damn Letter

Arya confronts Sansa about the letter Arya found (or, rather, Littlefinger wanted her to find). Sansa says that she was only a child then, and she was coerced into writing it. It gets pretty vicious between the sisters, with them accusing each other of doing nothing to stop Ned's execution. Arya further accuses Sansa of betraying their family, and Sansa counters back that they never would've taken Winterfell back if the Knights of the Vale hadn't arrived because of her. Sansa tries to defuse the situation a bit by pointing out that this infighting is exactly what Cersei would want to see, but Arya won't back down.

Heir, Heir

Tyrion and Daenerys discuss their upcoming meeting with Cersei, and it gets tense when Tyrion lets her know that he thinks she went too far with the Tarlys' punishment. She says that burning them was necessary and then again questions whose side Tyrion is really on. He also voices his concern over the lack of a successor if something should happen to her since she insists on going into battle herself. Daenerys is suspicious and won't hear any further talk on the matter until after she's actually wearing the crown.

Flame On!

Back beyond the wall, the snow is really picking up and visibility is very poor. Jon and co. spot a bear, but it's not just any bear. It's a freaking ZOMBIE BEAR!!! From this point on with the battle scenes in the North, it becomes really difficult to tell who's who, between the snow and everyone wearing their fuzzy coats. The bear attacks some random dude. Thoros and Beric light up their flaming swords; I never get tired of that—it's just so cool! Zombie bear is torched with flames but continues its savage attack. The Hound's fear of fire completely gets the better of him, and Thoros has to jump in and save him. The bear mauls poor Thoros, and Jorah says they have to get him back to Eastwatch. They all journey on, however, after Beric touches his flaming sword to Thoros's wounds.

Why Is Littlefinger Still Alive?

A panicky Sansa asks Littlefinger where Arya could have gotten the letter from, and he says he doesn't know. Lying bastard. Sansa worries that she'll lose the Northern lords if they find out about the letter. Littlefinger plants the idea in Sansa's head that Arya could pose a real threat to her safety by saying that Brienne is bound to protect both Stark sisters, even if one were plotting to hurt the other.

Ice Spy with My Little Eye

At last, the frozen undead are spotted. Jon wonders where the rest of the army is since there don't seem to be that many of them, and Tormund advises they don't hang around too long to find out. The Snow Bros attack, and when Jon takes out a White Walker, a bunch of wights go down, too. It seems that killing a Walker also kills any wights it's created. The Snow Bros capture their wight, but they quickly find themselves being surrounded by the rest of the army that they didn't see earlier. Jon sends Gendry back to Eastwatch to send a raven to Daenerys, who's their only hope of getting out of this disaster. The remaining members of the group get stranded on an island in the middle of a half frozen lake, with the dead on every side. Good times!

The standoff continues, and poor Thoros dies during the night. Beric uses his sword to burn the body. Oh shit—the Night King has turned up to the battle! Beric tells Jon that the Lord of Light brought both of them back for a reason—perhaps to kill the Night King and hopefully his entire army?

Sassy Sansa

Sansa receives an invitation to King's Landing, and she's like, hell no, I won't go. She tells Brienne to go in her place, and Brienne is totally uneasy with the idea of leaving Sansa alone with Littlefinger and at the very least, asks to leave Pod behind at Winterfell for protection. Sansa gets all sassy, though, and insists that she has all the protection she needs.

Flame On, Part 2!

Raven mail must be faster than UPS or FedEx overnight because the raven has already reached Dragonstone, AND Daenerys has had time to go shopping for a snazzy new coat for the trip North. Tyrion begs her not to go, but she sets off with ALL THREE DRAGONS. ALL. THREE. DRAGONS.

And the Gold Medal for the Ice Javelin Throw Goes to . . . the Night King!

Jon, Tormund, Jorah, the Hound, and Beric are still stranded on their little island, and the ice zombies are still standing around waiting. The Hound hurls a rock at a wight that hits it right in what used to be its face. No reaction. The Hound hurls another rock that lands at the wight's feet, and this time—the wight starts moving. So do the other wights. Soon the fighting is fast, furious, and futile. There's no way the Snow Bros are getting out of this alive, and there's even a slo-mo shot to illustrate how ridiculously outnumbered they are. But wait—what's that? HOLY SHIT—DRACARYS!!!!!!!!!

Daenerys looks magnificent here—truly the Queen of Ice AND Fire. The dragons are spewing flames on the ice zombies, and suddenly, all doesn't look lost for the Snow Bros. Everyone BUT Jon scrambles onto Drogon. But wait—what is the Night King doing????? HELLLLLL NOOOOOOO—HE IS NOT ABOUT TO HURL THAT ICE JAVELIN AT VISERION!!!!!!!!!!

The sight of Viserion falling from the sky and crashing beneath the ice was absolutely heartbreaking!!!!!! I also felt murderous rage at the fucking Night King. This mofo needs to DIE!!!!!!!! He's getting ready to throw ANOTHER ice javelin when Jon spots him and tells Daenerys to leave without him. She's torn, but she goes. Drogon takes flight, and the ice javelin just misses him, as Jorah is nearly lost midair.

Meanwhile, Jon survives a plunge into icy water only to haul himself out and get noticed by the wights. He can barely lift his sword anymore. Fortunately for Jon, Uncle Benjen rides in to save him! They have a nanosecond reunion, then Benjen is sending Jon off on his horse and holds off the wights so they can escape.

Back at Eastwatch, Daenerys and Jorah are in the watchtower, and he gently tells her they need to go. She says they'll wait a bit longer, and then the horn sounds. Once. It's Jon! On board the Targaryen ship, his frozen clothes are removed, and Daenerys sees his six-pack stab wounds. I wouldn't even call them scars.

Sansa Comes Face-to-Face with What Arya's Been Up To

Now it's Sansa's turn to snoop, and she's in Arya's room going through a satchel when she finds . . . faces. They look like cheap Halloween masks, LOL. Suddenly Arya is in the room and wants to play the Game of Faces with her sister. An alarmed Sansa demands to know what the faces are. Arya tells her that if she had Sansa's face, she could become her and casually picks up the Valyrian steel dagger. There's a pause as you wonder whether Arya is actually going to kill Sansa, but Arya just hands Sansa the dagger and walks away.

Another Alliance

Jon wakes up to find Daenerys standing there. He tells her he's sorry and wishes they'd never gone. She says she's not sorry; now she's seen the White Walkers and wights for herself, and they're going to destroy the Night King and his army—together. Jon calls her his queen and says he'll bend the knee.

ICE DRAGON???!!!!!

The wights are using 4 giant chains to pull Viserion out of the ice. The Night King touches the dragon, and when Viserion opens its eye—it's BLUE!!!!!!!

OK, Time for the WTF Moments

I'm a hardcore GoT fangirl, and I know this season is shorter and moving at a brisk pace, but seriously, this episode asked me to suspend A LOT of disbelief. WARNING: This list is going to get rant-y.

  • How the HELL did Gendry get back to Eastwatch so fast? How?????? In the freezing cold and snow! OK, I'm not buffed like he is from doing all the blacksmith work and shit AND I'm used to Florida weather, but I did live up North for a long time and doesn't running in that kind of cold burn your lungs? How fast can you run under those kinds of conditions?
  • The ice javelin. Does the Night King always keep those handy? Do his frosty powers also give him impeccable aim? And here I poked fun at Qyburn's Scorpion/crossbow contraption. HOW did that ice javelin travel so far and with such speed and force to take out a dragon????!!!!
  • I hope that Arya left her faces for Sansa to find on purpose because otherwise, that's some serious carelessness on Arya's part, and for a Faceless (Wo)Man, to boot.
  • Jon and Daenerys making goo-goo eyes at each other made me want to hurl, and I don't mean hurl an ice javelin. XD When are we going to get to the part where they are/aren't aunt and nephew?
  • Where in SEVEN HELLS did the Night King and crew find not one, not two, not three, but FOUR heavy duty chains, strong enough to support a dragon's weight? They looked industrial grade, FFS. And who organized them into such coordinated lines? Don't they usually shuffle about when they're on the move? This was probably the most ridiculous thing about the episode, and I ranted about it through the end credits, LOL.

In the Next Episode


Saturday, August 19, 2017

Discussing Game of Thrones: Eastwatch

* Spoilers ahead if you haven’t seen “Eastwatch.”

Hey—I might actually get this posted before Sunday's new episode! It's a miracle! XD

Jaime and Bronn Survive Their Deep Sea Adventure

So last week, we saw Jaime sinking into what looked like some pretty deep water, yet when he and Bronn haul themselves back onto dry land, the water doesn't look that deep at all. I really have to stop nitpicking these things. XD Jaime still appears to be stunned from the crushing, fiery defeat the Lannister army has just suffered at the hands of Daenerys, the Dothraki, and one badass dragon. He tells Bronn that Cersei needs to hear how unstoppable Daenerys is, and Bronn is like, that's great, but I'm outta here!

When You Play the Game of Thrones, You Kneel or You Die

The surviving Lannister troops are brought before Daenerys, who gives them a choice: kneel or burn. A good number choose life, but Randyll Tarly is not among them. He argues that at least Cersei has spent her entire life in Westeros, unlike Daenerys. Dickon Tarly stands by his father. Tyrion tries to intercede, suggesting to Daenerys that she send Lord Tarly to the Wall, but the latter stands his ground; Daenerys is not his queen, and she cannot give him orders.

Eh, We'll Just Hire Some Mercenaries

Back in King's Landing, Jaime tries to get Cersei to understand the decimation he just witnessed on the battlefield and how impossible a victory would be against Daenerys and the dragons. He also repeats Olenna's last words to Cersei.

Jon's New BFF - Drogon!

Daenerys arrives back at Dragonstone with Drogon, and guess who just happens to be standing near where they land? It's Jon, and he and Drogon seem to have some kind of connection, in that Drogon doesn't incinerate him on sight. Daenerys is VERY intrigued by their interaction, but the moment is broken up by the arrival of Jorah. He tells Daenerys he's cured but neglects to mention Sam's role in saving his life.

You Know Nothing, Maesters of the Citadel

Bran has a vision of the White Walkers at Eastwatch and tells Maester Wolkan that they need to send ravens. At the Citadel, Ebrose is discussing the message from Winterfell with other maesters as Sam listens in the background. Most of the maesters dismiss the notion of the White Walkers' existence and even ridicule the message. Sam can't help but speak up and says that he's seen the White Walkers, and the threat needs to be taken seriously.

I Am a King

Tyrion and Varys are discussing Daenerys's recent actions, and Tyrion insists to Varys that Daenerys isn't her father. Varys tells Tyrion that as Hand of the Queen, Tyrion has to make her listen. Varys has intercepted the message from Winterfell that was intended for Jon, and of course the crafty Spider has read it. Jon learns that both Bran and Arya are alive and back at Winterfell, and he also receives the news about Bran's vision. Jon wants to return home immediately. Daenerys doesn't want him to go and tries to pull rank, saying that she hasn't given Jon permission to leave Dragonstone, and that's when he also pulls rank and reminds her that he's also a king. Jon needs to go North, Daenerys can't pack up and leave herself vulnerable to Cersei, and that's when Tyrion proposes that they bring a White Walker to Cersei to convince her that they all need to fight together? WHAT? First of all, even if they did manage to bring a White Walker to her, I still don't think she'd care. Secondly, Daenerys literally has all of the fire power here, not Cersei, and could take King's Landing tomorrow and then head North. I just don't get what ending hostilities with Cersei really adds, but okay.

Sisterly Standoff

At Winterfell, Sansa listens to the Northern lords grumble about Jon heading Beyond the Wall. In private, Arya accuses her first of not defending Jon in front of them and then of catering to them so she'll have their support in case Jon doesn't return.

Brotherly Standoff

Bronn lures Jaime down into the dragon skull room under the pretense of training, but it's really to meet Tyrion in secret. Jaime is angry but sticks around to hear Tyrion out. Meanwhile, Davos, who was the obvious choice for smuggling Tyrion into King's Landing, seeks out . . . GENDRY!!!!! He made it back after all! Davos fires off one of the best GoT one-liners ever: "Thought you might still be rowing." BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Gendry is ready to rock and roll and fight, with his own warhammer to boot. It's sweet how Davos has kind of taken Gendry under his wing.


Jaime goes to Cersei about his meeting with Tyrion. She already knew about it, of course. Cersei is now not so opposed to coming to some kind of agreement with Daenerys so they can use it to outsmart her. Cersei is also pregnant! I. AM. HORRIFIED. Dammit, TV Jaime! Why can't you be more like Book Jaime?????

Hi, I'm Gendry. I'm a Bastard, Too

That's pretty much how Gendry introduces himself to Jon, LOL, after Davos urges Gendry to keep mum about his parentage. Gendry is ready to fight, fight, fight!

Gilly Says Something Important. Like, REALLY Important

Confession time: I usually tune out whenever Sam and Gilly scenes are on. So of course they give Gilly this bombshell line of dialogue in the middle of her reciting a bunch of boring facts about some maester's records or some shit. I don't even remember, except for the part about RHAEGAR TARGARYEN GETTING A SECRET ANNULMENT AND THEN BEING SECRETLY MARRIED TO SOMEONE ELSE IN DORNE. That's right.

Arya vs. Littlefinger

Arya tails Littlefinger around Winterfell, and she spies him being really sketchy, culminating in him hiding a letter he'd asked Maester Wolkan to retrieve on behalf of Sansa. Arya breaks into Littlefinger's room to find it and read it. Littlefinger secretly watches her lock his door after leaving, making it appear that he meant for her to find the letter all along.

Snow's Bros, Assemble!

Jon and his compatriots arrive at Eastwatch. Tormund inquires after "The big woman," i.e. Brienne, which makes even broody Jon crack a smile. This motley group, comprised of Jon, Jorah, Davos, Gendry, and Tormund, is about to get even more intriguing when Tormund leads everyone to a cell holding Beric, Thoros, and the Hound. So. These are the guys who are going to capture a White Walker and bring it to Cersei. I LOVE IT!!!!

In the Next Episode

Tensions appear to rise even more between Arya and Sansa. It also looks like we're finally going to see a showdown with the White Walkers. That shot of Beric and the flaming sword looks epic!

Monday, August 14, 2017

Discussing Game of Thrones: The Spoils of War

* Spoilers ahead if you haven’t seen “The Spoils of War.”

This week's late recap of last week's episode comes courtesy of a router that crapped out yesterday morning. I wrote about half of this recap late Saturday night and was going to finish up on Sunday morning, but I had no Internet on Sunday morning. After tinkering around with the modem and router a bit and cursing a lot, the router seemed to be the culprit. I only bought that POS router a few months ago after another router had suddenly quit working, so I was about as happy as Daenerys upon finding out that the Lannisters took Highgarden. We're all good with the Interwebs now, though, so on with the recap!

This was the shortest GoT episode ever, clocking in around 50 minutes, but it was one of THE BEST episodes ever. Not hyperbole! Not a wasted minute! Not enough exclamation points!!!!

Where's My Castle?

Jaime is escorting the Highgarden gold back to King's Landing, and he has Bronn and Bronn's always entertaining wit to accompany him. Although Jaime gives Bronn a hefty bag of gold for his troubles so far, Bronn is still looking for that elusive castle to call his own. Meanwhile in King's Landing, that dude from the Iron Bank whose name eluded me until I Googled it (Tycho Nestoris), is happy to hear from Cersei that the Lannister debt repayment is in transit.

Bran Continues to Creep Everyone the Hell Out

Littlefinger, thoughtful as ever and still annoyingly alive, gives Bran the dagger that the assassin Catelyn fought off back in the first season was about to use on an unconscious Bran. How sweet! Bran asks Littlefinger whom the dagger belonged to, and Littlefinger says he doesn't know, which is not what he told Catelyn back in the first season. We even revisit this scene before the episode; Littlefinger claims that the dagger was his, but he lost it gambling to Tyrion. We all know what happened next: Catelyn had that fateful run-in with Tyrion on the road and took him prisoner, setting off the chain of events that we've been watching unfold for the last six seasons. So really, it's all Littlefinger's fault! XD We saw Melisandre unsettle Varys in the previous episode, and here Bran spooks Littlefinger a bit by quoting the latter's "Chaos is a ladder" speech to Varys a couple of seasons ago.

Meera stops in to say goodbye to Bran before departing for home. She's reluctant to leave him but if the White Walkers continue their march south, she needs to be with her family. I felt horrible embarrassment on Bran's behalf because poor Meera is visibly upset about going while Bran remains completely stone-faced. She finally loses it and reminds him that her brother, Hodor, and Summer all died to protect him, and she nearly died, too.


I almost cried when she saw Winterfell in the distance! Welcome home, Arya!!!!! If only those asshole guards would believe that you're really Arya Stark and let you in. That's OK, though; Arya just sneaks in, and Sansa finds her down in the crypt. It was nice to see the Stark sisters reunited at last. Arya mentions her kill list, and Sansa kind of laughs, but Sansa will very soon realize that Arya wasn't kidding. The sisters find Bran in the godswood, and he's about as happy to see Arya as he was to see Sansa. That is to say, there's barely a reaction. What the HELL is up with Bran? Did becoming the Three-Eyed Raven = becoming a zombie?

The Writing is Literally on the Wall

At Dragonstone, Jon leads Daenerys into a cave to see the dragonglass before the mining starts. The massive amount is impressive, but wait—there's more! He shows her some drawings on the cave walls made by the Children of the Forest; at one time, they worked together with the First Men to fight the White Walkers. I half expected Daenerys to accuse Jon of making those drawings himself since she's been pretty bitchy with him so far. The paintings finally seem to have convinced her that the White Walkers do exist, and she agrees to help Jon . . . when he bends the knee. Daenerys has been saying "bend the knee" so much that it reminds me of how Triumph the Insult Comic Dog ends a sentence with, " . . . for me to poop on!" Daenerys sure as hell poops all over this scene, which also seemed to be hinting at some attraction between her and Jon. Who's supposed to be her nephew. If the Little Birds of the Interwebs are right, however, that familial relationship is going to be explained away. And if it isn't, what the hell. There's already twincest on the show anyway!

Outside the cave, Tyrion and Varys are waiting for Daenerys to deliver the news that they took Casterly Rock, but they've lost Highgarden. Dealt one crushing blow after another, a frustrated Daenerys accuses Tyrion of being loyal to his family instead of to her. She's ready to take the dragons to King's Landing and asks Jon for his opinion, and he sagely replies that if she burns everything, she'll be no different from the other tyrants who've ruled Westeros. Like her father.

Arya Shows Off Her Skills

Brienne and Pod are sparring in the Winterfell courtyard when Arya turns up. She wants to train with Brienne—hell yeah! Sansa and Littlefinger watch as Brienne and Arya spar, and holy shit is Arya amazing! The scene gets even better, though, when Brienne asks Arya, "Who taught you how to do that?" Arya's perfect reply: "No one." BRILLIANT!!!!

A Terrible Time to Wash Up on Shore

Theon and the Ironborn who survived Euron's attack arrive on the shores of Dragonstone just as Jon is RIGHT. THERE. Jon's face is murderous, and he grabs Theon, telling him that what Theon did for Sansa is the only reason Jon won't kill him. Theon hopes that Daenerys will help him rescue Yara, but Daenerys is gone.

Dracarys x 10 Million

The battle sequences on GoT have become fiercer with every season, and this one—let's just say that it pretty much made up for the episode running 10 minutes shorter than usual.

No one in Westeros ever expected the Dothraki to cross the Narrow Sea, but here they are, charging at Jaime, Bronn, and the Lannister army. Jaime just looks completely shell-shocked here. Bronn urges him to flee and get back to King's Landing, but Jaime insists they can hold them off. That is, until Daenerys and Drogon show up! The visual effects artists did a phenomenal job bringing Drogon to life, and if I saw that flying at me, of course I'd totally shit myself! DAMN!!!!!

Daenerys and Drogon proceed to Dracarys the flaming hell out of the Lannister army; there are screaming men on fire everywhere, while others have been completely burned to ash. For fantasy, this scene looks incredibly realistic. Jaime is still like, WTF???? but gathers enough sense to tell Bronn he has to man the Scorpion, AKA the giant dragon crossbow. Bronn nearly gets killed trying to make his way to the weapon and more than once thinks about hauling ass out of there. He gets to the Scorpion, though, and with an efficiency that makes you wonder exactly when the hell he learned how to operate this thing, fires a bolt that actually hits Drogon. Daenerys manages to land him, and while she struggles to remove the spear/bolt/whatever, Jaime sees that she's vulnerable and decides to attempt to become a Queenslayer as well as a Kingslayer. Meanwhile, Tyrion is also there, watching all of this unfold, and he wills Jaime to just get the hell out of there. The fucking idiot, as Tyrion calls him, is about to get roasted by dragon fire (Drogon fire, more like, LOL) when Bronn shoves him out of the way. Both men plunge into the water, which looks surprisingly deep considering that Jaime and Bronn didn't seem that far from the shoreline to begin with. XD The last shot of the episode is of Jaime, weighed down by his armor and golden hand, sinking and sinking . . . .

In the Next Episode

Tyrion may have to have a little chat with Daenerys about her Kneel or Burn policy. Bran sees the White Walkers at Eastwatch—watch out, Tormund!

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

July 2017 Recap

Happy August, everyone! July flew by so fast that I'm still recapping it, LOL. Er, there's really not much to recap on the blog. XD Life outside of reading and blogging just continues to monopolize my time. I've been kinda MIA from the blogosphere lately and totally petered out at the end of this year's Harry Potter Month because there were too many adulting-related things going on. A big thank you to Melissa for picking up my slack and writing posts and replying to comments!

The one thing that I always find time for is watching Game of Thrones, LOL! I haven't been nearly as diligent in getting my episode recaps posted in a timely manner, but they do get written . . . eventually. XD This past Sunday's episode was INSANE!!! I can't wait to see what else this shortened season has in store!

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Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Discussing Game of Thrones: The Queen's Justice

* Spoilers ahead if you haven’t seen “The Queen's Justice.”

This recap is super late, obviously, LOL. Last week was crazy busy. Hmm...what I need is the team of peeps who built Euron’s ships because they’re clearly fast and efficient at getting things done, and they could handle some of my adulting stuff so I have more time to watch TV and write GoT episode recaps. XD

Dragonstone: The Place to Be Right Now in Westeros

Clearly traveling by TARDIS or teleportation or some other lightning fast mode of transportation, Jon and Davos arrive at Dragonstone, greeted by Tyrion and Missandei. Jon and Tyrion are genuinely pleased to see each other again, having shared their last scene together all the way back in the first season! After Jon and Davos comply with Missandei’s request to turn over their weapons, the group starts the ascent up to the castle. One of the dragons flies over, and a stunned Jon and Davos hit the ground.

Melisandre is also still at Dragonstone, secretly watching Jon and Davos. Varys questions her about why she’s hiding. She says she’s done her part; she’s brought ice and fire together. Her next stop is Volantis, and Varys tells her she shouldn’t return to Westeros. Melisandre replies that she’ll return one last time—to die there, just like Varys will. It’s almost impossible to catch the Spider off-guard, but Melisandre’s words seem to shake him a bit here.

In Which Two MAJOR Characters Meet

It’s time for the much-anticipated meeting! Daenerys looks very regal sitting on the Dragonstone throne. I love the bit of comic relief in this scene when Missandei effortlessly rattles of Daenerys’s 10,000 titles and Davos follows that up with Jon’s one title. Daenerys and Jon go back and forth about him bending the knee/not bending the knee as he also tries to convince her that the Night King and the White Walkers are real and are the biggest threat to Westeros. However, it’s really, really, really hard to persuade people who haven’t seen the frozen undead with their own eyes. They’re at a stalemate when Varys interrupts to tell Daenerys something quietly. Jon and Davos are dismissed, and we find out that Varys told Daenerys about Euron’s attack.

Euron Actually Makes Good on His Promise

Back in King’s Landing, Euron has once again traveled at record speeds to parade his prisoners Yara, Ellaria, and Tyene through the streets of the capital as the unruly mob jeers and spits at them. Euron rides his horse right into the throne room, where Cersei waits to welcome him with Jaime and Qyburn looking on. Once again, Euron takes some verbal jabs at Jaime.

Did Cersei Forget to Wipe the Kool-Aid from Her Mouth? Oh . . . Wait.

Ellaria and Tyene are chained and gagged in a cell, and Cersei walks in with her lips looking kind of weird. I should have caught on to Cersei’s plan straightaway! She goes on and on and on in a scene that goes on for too long. To Ellaria and Tyene’s horror, Cersei kisses Tyene with poison on her lips, just as Ellaria did to Myrcella. Ellaria is to be kept alive in order to watch her daughter die.

WTF, Jaime?

Suddenly Cersei doesn’t care about hiding the twincest. When is TV Jaime going to figure out that his sister is a psycho biatch and ditch her? Book Jaime is so different, and it’s painful to watch TV Jaime’s life choices sometimes, like in this episode.

You May Have Your Dragonglass, Jon Snow

Jon vents to Tyrion about no one believing him about the White Walkers. Tyrion says he does believe him, but don’t expect Daenerys to. Tyrion does offer to try and help Jon in some other way and goes back to Daenerys about the dragonglass, and she ends up granting Jon permission to mine it.

Is That You, Arya?! Ah, No. It’s Not.

Sansa appears to have things at Winterfell running smoothly. Littlefinger makes his weekly creepy comment, and then everyone’s attention is focused on which Stark has returned home to Winterfell this week. It’s either Bran or Arya, and not gonna lie, it would’ve been more exciting if it had been Arya. It’s Bran, though, and he’s like a freaking zombie/robot, speaking in a monotone and showing little emotion as a sobbing Sansa hugs him. In the godswood, Bran continues to seem like he’s completely checked out. Things get super awkward while Bran’s talking about the Three-Eyed Raven and brings up Sansa’s wedding to Ramsay.

It’s Amazing What Some Rest and a Change of Climate Can Cure!

Archmaester Ebrose pronounces Jorah greyscale-free! Jorah tries to lie, quite lamely, for Sam and cover up what he did to help, but Ebrose is not fooled in the least. Jorah is off to go find Daenerys. Ebrose lectures Sam about what he did, but he’s also impressed by Sam’s skills. Sam, however, has to go back to copying manuscripts with paper mites in them. His reward for saving Jorah's life is not being immediately expelled from Hogwarts the Citadel.

Euron’s Ships Set Yet Another Record!

There’s an emergency strategy meeting at Dragonstone. Daenerys wants to send the dragons after Euron’s ships, which means she’d have to endanger herself. Tyrion and Missandei argue that it’s out of the question. Cut to Grey Worm and the Unsullied approaching Casterly Rock. Tyrion believes they have an advantage, since he designed the sewer system, and that’s how the Unsullied will surprise the Lannister troops. We see the fighting, but something’s not quite right. There don’t seem to be as many Lannister men as they’d expected, and this worries Grey Worm. He peers over the castle wall and sees . . . Euron’s ships.

A Lady Until the End

Stealing a maneuver from Robb Stark, Jaime and the Lannister army have hightailed it to Highgarden, with former Tyrell bannerman Randyll Tarly’s support. Damn. Not only has Cersei paid back House Tyrell, but now she has significant funds with which to repay the Iron Bank. Jaime finds Lady Olenna in her chamber. She knows she’s about to die and asks how it will be done. Jaime says he talked Cersei out of torturing her and has poison, which he pours into Olenna’s wineglass. She downs it and then confesses to killing Joffrey, and she wants Jaime to let Cersei know that she did it. Game, set, match: Lady Olenna Tyrell. Oh, how we will miss you!

In the Next Episode

Daenerys stresses over losing, and it looks like the dragons are about to enter the war!