I Write What I Want: Melissa's Review Writing Rant

Disclaimer Thingy:

I love to complain! Alas, Lee has threatened me with bodily harm if I give out spoilers in my reviews. And since ranting requires something to rant about, I have not been able to fully express my book angst. At last! I have found a loophole! Mwahahaha! Do keep in mind that I am a whiny brat and I am only trying to be funny, but I will probably come off as really annoying. So, forgive me in advance.

My Review Writing Rant:

I'm sure you guys remember when I proudly announced that I write reviews when I want. Lee has made a liar out of me! (Not really, just roll with it.) This weekend, she said to me: "Melissa, write me a post for this week." I tried, but it just wasn't happening, so I decided to rant about writing reviews. She may have the power to tell me when to write, but I WILL WRITE WHAT I WANT!!! I have discovered writing reviews is hard. Rants are much easier. With a rant all you have to do is babble about whatever you want. With a review, it is necessary to form coherent thoughts. As you can tell, that is not one of my strong points. Usually, I don't have so much of a problem, but it just wasn't going to happen in time for my deadline. When in doubt, write a rant.

Lee might have requested a review, but she can't make me! She said I would seem really angry if I wrote two rants back-to-back, but I don't care! Angry people are either entertaining or scary. I doubt someone of my height could be scary, so fingers crossed you guys don't think I'm too unhinged. Every time I sat down to start this “review” I wanted to eat my pen. I'm finding it very difficult to express my opinions in an entertaining review. So, you’re welcome for not writing a mind-blowingly boring review. I'll write the review when I get to it! Until then, I'll rant.

Just to be safe, if you guys don't hear from me in a while, call the police—Lee probably ate me for defying her. If she gets fat, take a picture for me! I'm just kidding! Lee is the bestest! And I love her! Please don't hurt me! And on an unrelated note: Did you know penguins have knees?! Melissa out, and she writes reviews when she wants! (This is a rant, it doesn't count!)