Sunday, August 27, 2017

Discussing Game of Thrones: Beyond the Wall

* Spoilers ahead if you haven’t seen "Beyond the Wall.”

While late recaps have been the norm for me this season, LOL, this recap almost didn't happen at all thanks to no Internet for 3 days. I finally had time to swap out a crappy cable modem for a new one, and we're back in business!

This episode—WTF???!!!! There were so many WTF moments, I think I'm going to group them all together at the end, after we talk about the plot-y stuff first.

Into the Snow the Snow Bros Go

The Avengers-like super team of Jon, Tormund, Jorah, Gendry, the Hound, Beric, and Thoros are looking for the White Walkers, hoping to capture one and bring it back to King's Landing to show Cersei. Remember that stupid plan? It's just . . . stupid. Anyway, the group is well into this insane mission, and the show takes the opportunity to "reunite" Gendry with Beric and Thoros; Gendry is still quite upset about that time the Brotherhood Without Banners sold him to Melisandre, and she put leeches down his breeches. In a poignant scene, Jon offers to return Longclaw to Jorah, who declines. Later there's an amusing exchange between Tormund and the Hound; Tormund mentions the "beauty" he has waiting for him back at Winterfell, and a horrified Hound realizes it's Brienne. BAHAHAHAHAHA! That's about the last of the humor, though, before the shitshow starts.

That Damn Letter

Arya confronts Sansa about the letter Arya found (or, rather, Littlefinger wanted her to find). Sansa says that she was only a child then, and she was coerced into writing it. It gets pretty vicious between the sisters, with them accusing each other of doing nothing to stop Ned's execution. Arya further accuses Sansa of betraying their family, and Sansa counters back that they never would've taken Winterfell back if the Knights of the Vale hadn't arrived because of her. Sansa tries to defuse the situation a bit by pointing out that this infighting is exactly what Cersei would want to see, but Arya won't back down.

Heir, Heir

Tyrion and Daenerys discuss their upcoming meeting with Cersei, and it gets tense when Tyrion lets her know that he thinks she went too far with the Tarlys' punishment. She says that burning them was necessary and then again questions whose side Tyrion is really on. He also voices his concern over the lack of a successor if something should happen to her since she insists on going into battle herself. Daenerys is suspicious and won't hear any further talk on the matter until after she's actually wearing the crown.

Flame On!

Back beyond the wall, the snow is really picking up and visibility is very poor. Jon and co. spot a bear, but it's not just any bear. It's a freaking ZOMBIE BEAR!!! From this point on with the battle scenes in the North, it becomes really difficult to tell who's who, between the snow and everyone wearing their fuzzy coats. The bear attacks some random dude. Thoros and Beric light up their flaming swords; I never get tired of that—it's just so cool! Zombie bear is torched with flames but continues its savage attack. The Hound's fear of fire completely gets the better of him, and Thoros has to jump in and save him. The bear mauls poor Thoros, and Jorah says they have to get him back to Eastwatch. They all journey on, however, after Beric touches his flaming sword to Thoros's wounds.

Why Is Littlefinger Still Alive?

A panicky Sansa asks Littlefinger where Arya could have gotten the letter from, and he says he doesn't know. Lying bastard. Sansa worries that she'll lose the Northern lords if they find out about the letter. Littlefinger plants the idea in Sansa's head that Arya could pose a real threat to her safety by saying that Brienne is bound to protect both Stark sisters, even if one were plotting to hurt the other.

Ice Spy with My Little Eye

At last, the frozen undead are spotted. Jon wonders where the rest of the army is since there don't seem to be that many of them, and Tormund advises they don't hang around too long to find out. The Snow Bros attack, and when Jon takes out a White Walker, a bunch of wights go down, too. It seems that killing a Walker also kills any wights it's created. The Snow Bros capture their wight, but they quickly find themselves being surrounded by the rest of the army that they didn't see earlier. Jon sends Gendry back to Eastwatch to send a raven to Daenerys, who's their only hope of getting out of this disaster. The remaining members of the group get stranded on an island in the middle of a half frozen lake, with the dead on every side. Good times!

The standoff continues, and poor Thoros dies during the night. Beric uses his sword to burn the body. Oh shit—the Night King has turned up to the battle! Beric tells Jon that the Lord of Light brought both of them back for a reason—perhaps to kill the Night King and hopefully his entire army?

Sassy Sansa

Sansa receives an invitation to King's Landing, and she's like, hell no, I won't go. She tells Brienne to go in her place, and Brienne is totally uneasy with the idea of leaving Sansa alone with Littlefinger and at the very least, asks to leave Pod behind at Winterfell for protection. Sansa gets all sassy, though, and insists that she has all the protection she needs.

Flame On, Part 2!

Raven mail must be faster than UPS or FedEx overnight because the raven has already reached Dragonstone, AND Daenerys has had time to go shopping for a snazzy new coat for the trip North. Tyrion begs her not to go, but she sets off with ALL THREE DRAGONS. ALL. THREE. DRAGONS.

And the Gold Medal for the Ice Javelin Throw Goes to . . . the Night King!

Jon, Tormund, Jorah, the Hound, and Beric are still stranded on their little island, and the ice zombies are still standing around waiting. The Hound hurls a rock at a wight that hits it right in what used to be its face. No reaction. The Hound hurls another rock that lands at the wight's feet, and this time—the wight starts moving. So do the other wights. Soon the fighting is fast, furious, and futile. There's no way the Snow Bros are getting out of this alive, and there's even a slo-mo shot to illustrate how ridiculously outnumbered they are. But wait—what's that? HOLY SHIT—DRACARYS!!!!!!!!!

Daenerys looks magnificent here—truly the Queen of Ice AND Fire. The dragons are spewing flames on the ice zombies, and suddenly, all doesn't look lost for the Snow Bros. Everyone BUT Jon scrambles onto Drogon. But wait—what is the Night King doing????? HELLLLLL NOOOOOOO—HE IS NOT ABOUT TO HURL THAT ICE JAVELIN AT VISERION!!!!!!!!!!

The sight of Viserion falling from the sky and crashing beneath the ice was absolutely heartbreaking!!!!!! I also felt murderous rage at the fucking Night King. This mofo needs to DIE!!!!!!!! He's getting ready to throw ANOTHER ice javelin when Jon spots him and tells Daenerys to leave without him. She's torn, but she goes. Drogon takes flight, and the ice javelin just misses him, as Jorah is nearly lost midair.

Meanwhile, Jon survives a plunge into icy water only to haul himself out and get noticed by the wights. He can barely lift his sword anymore. Fortunately for Jon, Uncle Benjen rides in to save him! They have a nanosecond reunion, then Benjen is sending Jon off on his horse and holds off the wights so they can escape.

Back at Eastwatch, Daenerys and Jorah are in the watchtower, and he gently tells her they need to go. She says they'll wait a bit longer, and then the horn sounds. Once. It's Jon! On board the Targaryen ship, his frozen clothes are removed, and Daenerys sees his six-pack stab wounds. I wouldn't even call them scars.

Sansa Comes Face-to-Face with What Arya's Been Up To

Now it's Sansa's turn to snoop, and she's in Arya's room going through a satchel when she finds . . . faces. They look like cheap Halloween masks, LOL. Suddenly Arya is in the room and wants to play the Game of Faces with her sister. An alarmed Sansa demands to know what the faces are. Arya tells her that if she had Sansa's face, she could become her and casually picks up the Valyrian steel dagger. There's a pause as you wonder whether Arya is actually going to kill Sansa, but Arya just hands Sansa the dagger and walks away.

Another Alliance

Jon wakes up to find Daenerys standing there. He tells her he's sorry and wishes they'd never gone. She says she's not sorry; now she's seen the White Walkers and wights for herself, and they're going to destroy the Night King and his army—together. Jon calls her his queen and says he'll bend the knee.

ICE DRAGON???!!!!!

The wights are using 4 giant chains to pull Viserion out of the ice. The Night King touches the dragon, and when Viserion opens its eye—it's BLUE!!!!!!!

OK, Time for the WTF Moments

I'm a hardcore GoT fangirl, and I know this season is shorter and moving at a brisk pace, but seriously, this episode asked me to suspend A LOT of disbelief. WARNING: This list is going to get rant-y.

  • How the HELL did Gendry get back to Eastwatch so fast? How?????? In the freezing cold and snow! OK, I'm not buffed like he is from doing all the blacksmith work and shit AND I'm used to Florida weather, but I did live up North for a long time and doesn't running in that kind of cold burn your lungs? How fast can you run under those kinds of conditions?
  • The ice javelin. Does the Night King always keep those handy? Do his frosty powers also give him impeccable aim? And here I poked fun at Qyburn's Scorpion/crossbow contraption. HOW did that ice javelin travel so far and with such speed and force to take out a dragon????!!!!
  • I hope that Arya left her faces for Sansa to find on purpose because otherwise, that's some serious carelessness on Arya's part, and for a Faceless (Wo)Man, to boot.
  • Jon and Daenerys making goo-goo eyes at each other made me want to hurl, and I don't mean hurl an ice javelin. XD When are we going to get to the part where they are/aren't aunt and nephew?
  • Where in SEVEN HELLS did the Night King and crew find not one, not two, not three, but FOUR heavy duty chains, strong enough to support a dragon's weight? They looked industrial grade, FFS. And who organized them into such coordinated lines? Don't they usually shuffle about when they're on the move? This was probably the most ridiculous thing about the episode, and I ranted about it through the end credits, LOL.

In the Next Episode



  1. Oh no, sorry to hear about the internet problems! I HATE those lol. So yeah- an interesting episode! I laughed at your avengers reference- so true. They were obviously going for the superteam/ band of brothers vibe. And the Hound could have at least thanked Thoros, who ended up dying because of him quite possibly! Zombie bear and the flaming swords were super cool though. :)

    The Hound did a lot of dumb shit in this one. throwing those stones *sigh* what an idiot! Viserion falling was, yeah... tough. Awfully expensive way to score a (useless) wight huh? I kinda wish Rhaegal woulda flamed the Night King at least once before flying away, but alas. Your WTF are spot on. The Flash couldn't have gotten back to Eastwatch any faster than Gendry for %^&* sake. The ice javelin was kind of silly- only ONE takes out a whole dragon? I could see a serious wound but come on. And the chains lol. Night King must have a True Value hardware store up there in the heart of winter. SMH.

    Great recap though! Tonight's the night!!!

    1. No Internet is never any fun, especially right before a GoT season finale, LOL, but at least it was fixed in the nick of time! :D

      Not only did the Hound not thank Thoros, but he drank Thoros's wine or whatever was in that flask after Thoros died! And then WTF possessed the Hound to throw shit at the wights?! Gendry vs. The Flash- LOLOLOL!!! It's so true! I'm still not over the chains, LOL. I wonder if True Value gave the Night King a discount since he was buying such giant ass chains and more than one, haha!

  2. Epic season finale for sure!

    I read that the last season might not go live til 2019!!! WTF!

    1. Ughhhhh, I've heard that, too! It was hard enough waiting for this season to start later than usual and with fewer episodes. :(


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