* Spoilers ahead if you haven’t seen “The Red Woman.”
So I'm starting off the Season 6 recaps with a recap that's pretty damn late, lol. Ah, well. BUT—how about that season premiere, huh? Wow. Previous season premieres kind of eased you back into the world of ASoIaF, reacquainted you with the old characters and introduced you to the new ones, but Sunday's premiere took off like a missile and didn't slow down!
In Case You Forgot What Happened at the End of Season 5
At the Wall, Ghost is howling because, you know, Jon Snow is lying in a pool of his own blood outside in the . . . snow. Davos hears Ghost and goes outside to investigate, joined soon after by Edd and a few other non-traitorous brothers. They take their fallen Lord Commander inside and bar themselves in the room with Ghost. There's a knock at the door, and it's Melisandre. She looks kind of dazed, saying that she saw Jon in the flames, fighting at Winterfell. Next we cut to Thorne defending his actions to the Watch, arguing that Jon's decision to bring the Wildlings to Castle Black would have destroyed them all. Back in the room where Jon, Edd, and their small group are holed up, Edd is ready to get some revenge. Davos tells him that they're way outnumbered, but perhaps the Wildlings would be willing to fight since Jon saved them and all. And so Edd goes off to see what he can do on that front.
Just When You Think Ramsay Is Capable of Feeling . . . Anything
He orders Myranda's body be fed to the hounds. For a second it seemed like he actually felt some grief over her death, but nope. Then Ramsay has to hear it from his dad about Sansa and Theon escaping, and if they don't get Sansa back to rally the North when the Lannisters decide to deal with Roose's treason, they're going to be in some trouble.
Brienne Finally Saves Somebody!
Ramsay's men and their dogs are in pursuit of Sansa and Theon through the snow. The pair cross an icy river to try and lose the hounds, but they get found. Theon is ready to lure the men and the dogs away and tells Sansa to go north to Castle Black, where Jon is Lord Commander. News travels slow by raven. When Ramsay's men catch up, Theon lies that Sansa is dead, but the hounds sniff her out. Just when all looks bleak, Brienne and Pod turn up! Brienne goes berserk on the Bolton soldiers, and after some fierce fighting, during which Theon saves Pod, Sansa accepts Brienne's service this time. I got a little sentimental thinking of Brienne pledging her sword to Catelyn all those seasons ago.
A Very Sad Return
Jaime arrives back in King's Landing from Dorne. At first Cersei, still sporting short locks, is thrilled that Myrcella has returned home, but then she catches sight of the boat and the body it's carrying. A genuinely grief-stricken Cersei tells Jaime that Maggy the Frog's prophecy is coming true, and he's like no way, and we're going to get revenge for this.
Oh Yeah, Margaery Is Still a Prisoner
And so is Loras, whom we don't see this episode. Septa (Shame!) Unella has now trained her sights on Margaery, who insists she has nothing to confess and asks to see her brother. The High Sparrow interrupts Septa Unella's interrogation session, but despite his gentler tone, he's not there to show Margaery any mercy, either.
It's a Coup in Dorne!
Totally didn't see this coming! In the Water Gardens of Dorne, Prince Doran receives the news that Myrcella is dead, followed by Ellaria fatally stabbing him! Tyene kills Areo Hotah, and the other two Sand Snakes, Obara and Nymeria, take care of Trystane. And just like that, two characters are gone!
Tyrion Needs to Brush Up on His Valyrian
Tyrion and Varys stroll through the streets of Meereen, reminiscing about the time Varys smuggled Tyrion in that crate. No, no, I jest. They take in the wreckage that's become Meereen since the bloody day at the Great Games, when the Sons of the Harpy tried to assassinate Daenerys and she flew away on Drogon. Tyrion and Varys discover that the ships that Daenerys was supposed to sail to Westeros on have been destroyed as well.
Following Drogon's Leftovers
Jorah and Daario are looking for Daenerys, following the trail of animal carcasses that Drogon appears to have left behind. Daario isn't happy that Jorah is back, while Jorah's greyscale is looking pretty nasty—and spreading. Luckily for the pair, Jorah just so happens to find the ring that Daenerys dropped last season right before the Dothraki surrounded her.
Now That We're Cool, Can I Just Get an Uber Back to Meereen?
It's probably been a while since Daenerys walked this much. She has to endure the crude comments of two Dothraki who have no idea that she understands every. Word. Daenerys bides her time, finally speaking Dothraki when she's brought before Khal Moro. As a khal's widow, she's not to be touched, but asking to be taken back to Meereen is out of the question. Instead, Daenerys is to be taken to Vaes Dothrak to live out the rest of her days with the widows of other khals.
A Quick Check-In with Arya
And she's really not doing well. Still blind, she's begging on the streets of Braavos. The Waif shows up to pretty much beat Arya up with a stick and then call it a day.
Through the closed door, Thorne offers amnesty for the men of the Night's Watch who surrender before nightfall. Davos will be allowed to leave, with food, and can even take Melisandre if he wants to. Talk about an incentive to leave! If, however, Davos and the men don't surrender by the deadline, there will be bloodshed.
If You Thought the Shadow Baby Was Disturbing
Melisandre is alone in her chamber, looking very weary and sad. She removes her necklace, and when she catches her reflection in the mirror, it's that of a really, really, really, really old woman. Really, really old.
In the Next Episode
After a whole season away, Bran is back! Ramsay proposes storming Castle Black to intercept Sansa. Jaime faces off with the High Septon.